Thursday, May 25, 2006

Today I read my sponsor a long detailed list of every diet I've ever been on. It was boring and very gross.

I know I have a mental, physical, and spiritual disease because:
  1. I have been on 35 diets in the past 7 years
  2. I have been 20 lbs underweight and 20 pounds overweight within the same year
  3. I have nightmares about losing my teeth
  4. I purged at least 5 times a week for 3 years and up to 10 times a day every for 4 years
  5. I have starved for up to 30 days at a time
  6. I have locked myself in my apartment and baricaded the door to keep myself from bingeing and purging
  7. I have abused drugs and alcohol in an attempt to prevent myself from eating
  8. I have gone to a cabin in the woods for weeks on end to starve
  9. I have paid thousands to go to fasting spas or to lock myself in fancy hotels
  10. I have moved to try to escape my disease
  11. I have made suicide pacts with myself to lose weight
  12. I got a tattoo of the date b/c I thought it would make me stop eating (etc)
  13. I abused laxatives
  14. I stole lots and lots of food and money
  15. I lied to almost everyone I encountered
  16. I was so caught up in myself that I completely forgot about other people
  17. I prayed to God begging him to make me skinny but was not willing to go to any lengths to make it all stop
  18. I was judgemental and even cruel to other addicts and eating disordered girls because "I was nothing like them"
  19. I was selfish
  20. I never listened to God and I only believed in him when I wanted to ask for his help to lose weight
  21. I went into debt buying food, diet books, replacing stolen items, buying drugs and alcohol.
  22. All my real friends gave up on my, and I only attracted other addicts
  23. I only thought about myself
  24. I was a horrible friend
  25. I was emotionally unstable
  26. I was a horrible daughter
  27. once I ate my 3 year old cousin's birthday cake and then before anyone got home I offered him a piece and smeared cake on his face. He giggled and dug into the remaining few bites with his hands. When everyone got home they assumed he had eaten the whole cake himself. He got sent to his room and punished.
to be continued.

2 Comments:

Blogger Da Gal said...

This is a great post! Let it out - makes room for love and joy and peace on the inside, or whatever happens to work for you!

Keep on opening up and being honest - it's the only way through it.

10:22 PM  
Blogger MissImogen said...

I am a food addict too...I enjoy this site very much....just thought you should know

2:55 PM  

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