Tuesday, May 23, 2006

Problem foods & behaviors:

-diet coke, diet soda of any kind (I seriously would drink about 10 a day. it's disgusting)
-anything sugar free
-eating in between meals
-eating my meals before I am hungry (just because it is "lunchtime" or "dinnertime")

sugar free foods had become my binge food of choice. i felt less guilt, but I would usually purge anyway because I would end up eating multiple boxes. Still, I was able to rationalize my behaviors with sugar-free candy, cookies, etc etc b/c "at least it was better than real sugar." It's like telling myself that drinking beer is better than liquor. It's like telling myself I'm only an addict on Mondays, but not on Tuesdays. I seriously could rationalize anything (eating from the trash, purging in a public place, stealing food).

This is why I cannot make the decisions. I leave decisions up to my higher power and my sponsor. I am not rational around food. I am not rational around diets. I am definitely no rational when exposed to gossip magazines and fitness magazines with size 00 girls telling me that they "eat chocolate every day" ...

trust me people, I was in an inpatient eating disorder with a few famous girls. Then I left the hospital and I would read about how they claim to "just have a high metabolism"... it is smoke and mirrors.

advertisements for diet pills and diets are meant to fail. If they didn't keep failing, you wouldn't keep buying the next new thing.


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